Friday, June 27, 2003
Now let me preface this with the statement that the only reason Mrs. X23 and I rented this horror of a film was the little bit from the ads with the chubby black guy crying about the jacket and the money...it was kinda funny, so we figured we had an extra choice at our video store, we might as well watch it
Might just be the worst film ever. I don't know if y'all remember "Ed," the film about the basebal playing chimp. But to my mind this has always been the worst film ever made. You can all argue Plan 9 or Battlefield Earth were worsed, but presented with little people in monkey suits playing dress up with little girls while Matt LeBlanc mugs at the camera for what seemed like days, well, give me a second of Bela Legosi or Travolta's "craplousy" film anyday. But now I know better. Now I know the true horror of Kangaroo Jack. What a waste of Christpher Walken. What a waste of time, money and even Jerry O'Connell who deserves to be banished to late night Cinemax flicks for even considering this wreck of a film. I can't say how bad this film is except that afterwards, you might find yourself thinking that Bush isn't such a bad fellow afterall. I mean, at least he didn't make this film. But then you think better and wish that the only film Bush should be allowed to watch is Kangaroo Jack. Maybe this can be his punishment. Maybe it can be the only form of punishment we give to wrongdoers. All day long in prisons, they should play this film. Maybe it would persuade criminals not to return. For every soldier who has been killed since Bushco announced "Mission Accomplished," they (the entire lot of Bushco...every last one of 'em down to Retirin' Ari and "No Forest Left Uncut" Whitman) should have to watch this film with their eyelids crazy-glued to their foreheads and Red Bull pumped into their veins. Make em watch it until they shriek in freakish misery. Make em watch the pain of the scene where the kangaroo puts the red hot jawbreaker in his mouth and runs around waiting for hilarity to ensue. But hilarity never ensues. It never ensues. You keep waiting and hoping for it to ensue, but it does not. But you keep watching. Like a train wreck. And when it finally ends, you weep for people like Terry Gilliam, people who make good films but are not given money because of the Kangaroo Jacks, because of Kangaroo Jack.
WORST MOVIE EVER!
My old comments were provided by the good and kindly Klink family. Alas, they have had some difficulties and the folk over at Haloscan have reopened their site for more people, so I have taken advantage of their fine service and we are up and running. Please make use of the comments (I'm rather a whore for feedback and, as of yet, have been a starving whore...no crack for Mercury!).
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Alright now, gutter-dwelling scum who have appropriated my name for your own amusement. This day of yours has got to stop. You might feel empowered by your anti-me comments but all you do is inflate my already gargantuan ego by paying all this attention to me. If my head gets any bigger, it will explode and I cannot bear for my precious melon to blast apart from all the hot air you scum keep filling it with all your blasted attention to me. Stop paying attention to me or I will sue your for assault! I cannot stand that I outrage you. Knowing that there are people out there who are not like me and who don't think like me that criticize me...well, fuck you for criticizing me because then I have to pay my lawyer to sue you and I've already spent most of my money buying my book because Ann Coulter said she could buy more copies of her book than I could of mine and THAT CANNOT HAPPEN!! Stop wasting my money on frivilously suing you. I hate all these frivilous suits! They cost me so much money that if you would just stop being mean to me and listening to what I say and getting so angry that you steal my sponsors then I could go about my business and you could go about yours and we could just avoid each other except when I get in your business, but you shouldn't pay attention to me because then we start the whole circle again and Ann sells more books to herself than I do.
So please, for the sake of keeping my near capacity bloated head from erupting like an over-ripe pimple and Ann Coulter's numbers lower than mine, please stop harrassing me so I have to harrass you. It isn't so much to ask, is it?
MercuryX23 is happy to give Savage his fair time anytime
Sunday, June 22, 2003
So I stood in line (was second at the Glendale Borders actually), got on the local news and at 12:01, got my(and the wife's) copy of Potter 5. And then I read it. Finished late last night. Of course, my wife had to be up early this morning so I did as well and, as such, am somewhat exhausted. Today was spent reviewing my Spanish for more classes this summer and getting the car washed. Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison were both on after Monk(the first time I have seen it, and I really enjoyed it...) on USA and I tried to nap a few times later on, but still had to work on the Spanish. Oh yeah, Potter 5 was a good read, dark and melancholy. Then I watched some of the World Poker Tour. If you haven't watched it yet, I recommend it. Watching poker is strangely exciting. I really think it's about the large sums of money involved and, well, the tension. Good stuff. Oh! Also watgch Lennox Lewis almost blow another one last night. Lucky Lennox got in a good show to Klitchko's eye, opening up one of the nastiest cuts I've seen, but Dr. Iron Fists really too it to the aging champ.
Anyhow, I'm off. If you haven't voted for me at the New Blog Showcase, that's cool. I'm just pleased to see new folks stopping by. Hope you keep coming. If you have a blog or a site you'd like me to read or recommend, just drop me a line.
Okay, I normally drink Diet Coke. It's an addiction. I don't smoke anymore. I don't partake of illegal drugs anymore and I drink alchohol rarely. But Diet Coke is my addiction and I probably drink more of it than I should. But this summer I convinced my wife to switch to Diet Pepsi. Why? Because Pepsi is having a Billion Dollar give away and, while I normally scoff at lotteries as pipe dreams and poor taxation, I couldn't simply ignore the possibility of a billion dollars. It is a lot of money. It is certainly a good enough reason to switch colas for a couple of months. But then I started reading the fine print of this thing. First you have to actually be one of the thousand people who is selected from the sweepstakes. Fine. Some math genius can give me the odds of being selected. I am sure they are quite long. But then, well, you have to pick a number between one and a million. That's right. Once selected for the sweepstakes finals, you have to pick a six digit number and hope that it is exactly the right number. Now while you might win a million if your number is the closest to the winning number, but in order to win the billion, you have to pick it right on the button. Now think about this. First you have to win a sweepstakes entry and then you have to win a lottery.
My wife and I have enough Pepsi caps, I'm going back to Diet Coke.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
So some enterprising radio guys in Miami got through to Fidel Castro and pulled a lovely crank call on him. You have to appreciate that Fidel "used very obscene words the president of a country should never use" when he found out that his leg was being pulled. Who knew it was that easy to call Castro up anyway? Is it that easy to reach any world leader (other than Bushco of course)? Can we now expect an onslaught of radio funny guys getting through to the prime ministers of our "allies" and "enemies"? Will Chirac be immortalized in puppet for on Comedy Central? Would that constitute a "very special" Crank Yankers? Will Tony Blair hear from the Jerky Boys about how their asses are flaming? A world of fun possibilites await us.
After all, if Bushco thinks the leaders of other countries are a joke, why shouldn't the rest of us?
Alright, I admit it. I am a fan of Harry Potter. Now you ask yourself, how could a man, studied in Comparative Literature (soon to be attempting a PhD no less), be enamored of the goings on of Mr. Potter and his cohorts? Well, I got to tell you these books are just fun to read. They remind me of when I was a child reading the Lord of the Rings for the first time or getting into the books of Terry Brooks or Larry Niven and I just had a damned good time reading for the sake of reading. That's what these books do for me. I know there's nothing ground breaking about them, but what they do is get me excited for an afternoon (because that is about as long as it take me to get through one...the new one may take two days being of epic size). Not to say the works of Thomas Mann or Garcia Marquez do not excite me or that they are not fun to read, Potter is just more of a childlike fun, the serial excitement of the continuing adventure. So will I be in line tomorrow night to buy my reserved copy? Unashamed to say yes. My wife, her best friend and I will be at the party. If you're not at one or don't understnad the fun of the books, well, too bad for you. Tastes are tastes and all (in a perfect world, the Flaming Lips would be recognized as the greatest band in the world...) so I respect yours. But I still say too bad for you and hope that you have some way of having that kid-like fun for a little time. Being serious and upset and adult all the time gets tiring.
So if you've been to The Truth Laid Bear, you know something of their ecosphere and their New Blog Showcase.
If you haven't voted fo someone, or are new to this and would like to vote for someone, well, vote for me! If I get just one vote, I'll actually be pleased. It's "catch-up week," so I doubt somehow I'll win, but any little attention is gratifying.
(blatant shill terminated now)
As for my votes, well, these folks have pretty good blogs as well...
From The Truth Laid Bear's New Webblog Showcase:
Cyber :: Ecology: Nasa to spark war with Mars
Not Geniuses: White Wine or Kool-Aid, Mr. Sanger?
archy: Why do they support this man?
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Okay, folks. Ezra Klein over at Not Geniuses makes a good point about the upcoming internet primary at MoveOn. If you haven't yet, please do go over and register.
And, because I am a simple blogger lad not held up to any standards of objectivity, I say you should vote for the good ex-governor of the beautiful state of Vermont, Dr. Howard Dean.
Now Get To It!
We all know by now that there appears to be some kind of difficulty finding Saddam's arsenal. Well, okay, not all of us. I'm not going to talk about the fact that Bushco is lying to us, has lied to us, and will continue to lie to us. Anyone reading this knows these facts are in evidence and cannot be disputed. I'm not going to talk about the fact that while there may have once been WMDs, they most likely have been destgroyed or at the very minimum overestimated to the extent that they may have the ability to hurt us. Once again, we know this. In evidence. Not disputed. What I am going to talk about, again, is the intense stupidity that exists in our great nation and the goal of the powerful to perpetuate it.
Watch it on TV. Read about it in the papers (or not) or on Blogs or zines or what have you. It is there and it most likely lives a door away from you and works with you and goes to school with you and buys groceries with you. It thinks that everything in this country is just great, Bushco is doing a wonderful job, Saddam and Osama are the same guy, that we found WMDs, that Democrats want to take their freedoms away from them, that republicans are better for national security, that republicans are better for the economy, that republicans care about people, that there is such a thing as "compassionate conservatism." It makes you sick to think about it but you do think about it because you do think. It does not think. It distracts itself with beer and reality TV and Jim Carrey films and tricking out crappy cars and worrying about Clinton's penis and how evil the Clintons are and worrying about the Clintons and listening to Rush worry about the Clintons and it does not question whether Fox is either fair or balanced (Fox has both kinds of news, Right Wing AND Conservative) and it thinks Bill O'reilly may be a wee bit liberal for its tastes and thinks that even though it does not benefit from tax cut or is effected by tax increases that tax cuts are good even though its children no longer have a school to go to or a doctor to visit. You are flabbergasted by it. Floored by its ignorance and persistence of lack of vision. You even think about joining the NRA, getting a gun and shooting it. You wish you could take it and do that thing like in Clockwork Orange where you strap it to a chair with its eyes forced open and show it and teach it to hate violence and evil and you don't even worry that it might grow to hate its favorite Beethoven tune because it is just too fucking stupid to like Beethoven in the first place (maybe replace the Beethoven with Cat Scratch Fever or some other inane Nugent tune). You keep hoping it will wake up and see what you see and maybe just maybe the government will be forced to respond and punish Bushco but YOU KNOW IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.
Damn. You would think that after awhile, the lack of WMDs, the mission obviously NOT accomplished and the slow trickle of bodybags will eventually key people in that there is something amiss, something wrong, something bad and evil in the government that must be excised for the public good. You would think that. But IT, the mass of stupidity, does not think.
I'm back from my vacation from typing. I finished the last of my schooling for a brief period(before going back next week) and took the GRE on Monday (scores helpful, not harmful...will not be needing a retest). So now I can sit back and relax and rant or write or whatever.
Thursday, June 12, 2003
If you've got some extra cash beyond that which I've asked you to give to the Anti-Savage Legal Fund over at Take Back The Media, check out the E-Patriots button at the bottom of the page. We have a mission, folks. This is the time when your voice and your wallet MUST count. If you have to choose between having a Big Mac today or helping the world...(a sentence that does not need to be finished) It's not that I'm shilling for the DNC, but I am shilling for No Bush in 2004. While you're giving them money, tell them they need a man like Howard Dean who is willing to take a position and stick with it. Bartcop's pink tutus aren't going to beat the shrub.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
The good people of Egypt have banned "The Matrix Reloaded" from their fine old country. Now I know what you're thinking and no, it's not because they have exceptional standards for taste and refuse to allow purile dreck like the Matrix films to soil the screens of the Giza 14 multiplex. No, it's not because of that (unfortunately). It is because the Matrix films deal with ?serious? religious questions that may offend the good Muslims of Egypt and, therefore the film cannot be shown.
Now I saw the Matrix Reloaded and I can tell you, even if there were some type of religious message in the film, it was completely lost in the amazingly derivative and boring dialogue, poorly paced action sequences and terrible terrible plot. Now, I am just one man who hated this film, but I do know a little about religion and you'd have to be giving this film a lot of credit to say that it may offend someone's religious beliefs.
Shame on the good people of Egypt who give this film too much credit. Shame on them.
Okay, so I'm procrastinating right now. I'm trying to write a couple of papers but also trying not to write them. It's a strange battle within myself. The papers are due tomorrow around noon across town, so I do still have some time. They are hardly difficult or long, but they do require actual concentration and writing, both of which I am sorely without at the moment. I'm actually having a difficult enough time just writing this blog today. But I figure if I can get the words flowing out of my hands in some kind fo fashion here, they will keep flowing into my papers. That is the theory in any case. The reality is that I have to write them, so at some point in time, my sense of obligation will kick in and they will get done and, hopefully, get done somewhat well. I have the ability to make words stick together coherently, no matter what you might read here.
So on to those people that you hate. You know who they are. They make your blood boil. You want to hit them in the face repeatedly. You wish them to your personal cornfields because they are BAD people. Seriously, you just know the world would be a better place if they were not here. Maybe there's a place on Mars for them, but not here.
What are you going to do about them? Are you going to allow your inner ape to beat their faces in or are you going to meekly turn your other cheek and silently wish for a perfectly placed meteorite strike? Are you going to write nasty things about them on your blog or are you going to take them to court for writing nasty things about you? Are you going to boycott them or are you going to blow out their windows with high powered bullets?
The hard part is that you may want to do all of these things, but you probably will simply seethe and try to think about people you don't hate for awhile.
What should you do? I really don't have the answer for you except to say find something you like to do and do it. The person that you hate will die someday, so you've got that going for you. Even if you die first, they will die too. So let them go on to their deaths and you go on to yours and hopefully one is not the result of the other (like when you smash your car into theirs).
Try not to hate anyone today.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
We, the people of California, may not like Gray Davis. Not much to like there. But are we really so fucking dense to even consider Arnold Schwartzenegger for our governor? It's just too fucking stupid to consider. But it's being considered. It very well may happen. What the Democrats need to do is get Martin Sheen to run for them. Then we can see if people prefer a pretend politician to a pretend robot. Can't they just make a movie where Arnold gets to play the governor? We can all go watch, have a good laugh and then get back to reality. I used to joke that we lived in the Roman Empire, but folks, we live in the Roman Empire.
So fucking dumb...Other states don't have this kind of fucked up shit, do they?
(Sorry for the language...but some words fail the impact test)
So Sammy Sosa hit a ball with a corked bat. It must be a conspiracy. Or maybe a player on the downswing just trying to get back on track. Another hero falls.
But his corked bat...hmmm...looks solid on the surface but when it is put under undue pressure, it shatters due to lack of substance. What else that's going on right now resembles the corked bat? I'm thinking...thinking...thinking...
But you do, too, dont you?
When they are so fucking litigious? Seriously, check this out. Our very good friend, Michael Savage, nee Weiner, so helpful in pointing out how people with autism are simply the imagined tools of the left wing conspiracy and letting us know that we should be subject to repealed sedition laws (why stop there? Why not arrest people for violating prohibition...or arrest runaway slaves? There are so many repealed laws to be enforced, Weiner), is now suing anyone on the web who is overtly critical of him. It must be a fun time at the old Savage ranch where he reads online how unloved he is and cries and weeps and then speed dials his attourney and says, "Spend some of my book money! Sue them all!" His lawyer warns him that this might seem frivolous and that would seem to be hypocritical for a right wing lunatic. Weinage cries back that people are calling him names and attempting do make him look bad (if you rub dog shit on a picture of dogshit, does it change the essential nature of dogshit?). His lawyer tells him that if he calls people names and spouts off hate rhetoric, people are bound to be upset and may, in fact, expose him for the great steaming piece of dogshit that he is. Weinage fires his first lawyer and then calls up his second lawyer to sue his first lawyer.
In any case, go and read this excellent editorial at Take Back the Media, one of the many fine sites that is being sued for trying to expose the stink of people like Weinage. Write them and let them know that what they do is necessary and they should keep fighting. If you should have any extra cash, maybe give a little to them to help pay for their lawyers. They don't have people buying up millions of copies of their books and giving them to the good people of Bangladesh who use them to stay warm in winter (shit burns so well, dontcha know)
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Okay, so now our good friend, Paul Wolfowitz (Good friend for letting us know truthfully that the WMD scare was just a bureaucratic decision, not really based in fact) is proving a staunch ally in the discovery of the truth of the Iraqi conflict (I just wont call it a war...wars take more than a month or two. We had some battles, we're still having some...but to call this a war is an insult to those who fought in wars). Wolfie lets us know now that Iraq was a much better candidate for attack due to the fact that, while North Korea could be negotiated with due to their lack of funds, Iraq "floats on a sea of oil."
Hmmm...I thought it was about "terra" and protecting "Mericans" from "terra." No, wait, I thought it was about WMDs or maybe liberating poor Iraqis from food, water, shelter, life and, oh yeah, Saddam (who is still, I believe, at large...Maybe he's in a hidden palace somewhere sitting on a big pile of WMDs and cash and, well, maybe not).
Turns out, though, that some of those crazy liberal conspiracy nuts might have been on to something with their slogans of "No Blood for Oil." (I always had a problem with that slogan...If I could trade some blood for a few gallons of gas every now and again, it wouldn't be such a pain in the wallet to fill up my SUV...Cash, I'm low on but I can always make more blood...my body's a blood producing machine!) But we have, indeed, spilled a few gallons of blood on the Iraqi desert and it seems to be some kind of tribute to the oil gods who were so gracious to plant a "Sea of Oil" beneath the orange sands of the Iraqi desert. What kind of boat is best for sailing the Sea of Oil? I would think something like Kevin Costner's boat from "Waterworld" because it uses windpower and saves every last precious drop of oil for the Evil Evil Smokers who will plunder Dryland if they find it before Costner and the annoying child.
Where do we go from here? All these revalations. All this bad news for the Bushes. What are we going to make of it all? Will anyone speak up in our government? Will this be a big story on Cable News or the radio? Will the newspapers pick this up and run with it and force the issue to the forefront of the hearts and minds of the American public? Or will we find out that Scott Peterson was manipulated by Satanists and Muslims to kill his wife and fetus and the Bill Clinton is using his penis again and that some reality show star is upset with some other reality show star and Bush still looks great in a sock stuffed flight suit? What really is important for us to know anyway?
Someone will tell us, I'm sure.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
So Colin Powell, our much esteemed Secretary of State, gives this wonderful speech before the world laying out Bush's case for war. Lot's of people believed him. Unfortunately, it would seem that he did not believe himself. A very convincing performer by a very good liar. Much better liar than his boss. Not as good as the former boss, who was a pretty cool customer with the occasional fib. Whenever Bush lies, he gets all smirky and beady...I would love to play poker with him.
Anyway, I digress. Colin tells this big whopper and pundits and politicians get all mushy for the big moose and say, "okay, go have your little war...it's cool." But it was a lie and he called it a bunch of "bullshit" even and now some people are beginning to wonder if we were really so justified at all. Some people are beginning to think we've been lied to by our big moosie and his boss. Even conservatives at the Wall Street Journal are getting a bit nervous that their boys aren't "restoring the integrity" or some such nonsense. But some people aren't.
Those are the people who, in the immortal words of Ned Flanders, might need a good "floggin to the noggin." And we're not talking for some football tickets here. These people read headline stories that for a good long time now have done nothing but praise their hero, Socks-in-Crotch, and the see, gasp, the lying liberal press. So long as the press in their friend and tells them what they want to hear, they're okay. But it reports on what is probably one of the greatest scandals in the history of history and they can only attribute it to those "lying commie bastards" in the press. These people do not stand for any dissent from the Limbaugh Line. But I have to wonder what would happen should Limbaugh succumb and report that his heroes have done wrong. Would he do it? Would he actually, given hard facts and evidence, report that the wart was fraudulent? Could he bring himself to say it? Is he allowed to say it? Would he blame Clinton for it? How could he deflect the truth if it were staring him in the face? What if Powell himself went on primetime television and gave a mea culpa speech and named names? What would they all do? Would they blame the liberals still? Would they call Powell a turncoat traitor for speaking truth?
What would they all do?
Why, they would blame Clinton's penis, of course!
Love in our lives is just to valuable to be for even a second without it.
Of course, he also says:
All we have is now. All we've ever had is now...
Be well and hug someone.